Don't Want To Know
by Salome Weil
Summary: That night at Shigeru's vacation home goes a little differently when Rui has an unexpected revelation about everything that's gone on between Tsukushi and Tsukasa.  Oneshot. T for implied subject matter.


**Don't own any part of this series, all rights to the author/publishers, no profit made here.**

**AN: Another little ficlet born of my hatred of the situations considered romantic by many manga authors, apparently. This is what should have gone down at some point in this series. Know why? Because that's not love. That's fear. **

**Finished because of the loveliness of nyrac6275.**

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><p>"You shouldn't go."<p>

Tsukushi froze, then fell back to her knees. She swallowed hard and glanced up at Rui from beneath her bangs.

"Why not?" she asked quietly.

His calm grey eyes saw right through her. "What if you walk in on something?"

She clenched her fists and made to stand up again. "No way!" she said. "They'd never…would they?" She looked at him, her eyes wide with sudden understanding.

"It's only natural. They are engaged," he said. "Besides, we came here knowing we'd be sharing rooms this way…"

"But – but that noise!" she exclaimed. "What if they're fighting? What if he's forcing himself on her and so she's fighting him off?"

Rui's eyes widened momentarily, then he leaned back on his hands, watching Tsukushi in that way that had started to make her so nervous, the last few weeks. She bit the inside of her cheek as she thought, finally avoiding his gaze and sitting back down.

"That's not very likely," Rui said softly. Then he chuckled lightly. "In fact it's more likely to be the other way around, isn't it?"

Something inside Tsukushi snapped and she stood up suddenly, arms wrapped around her middle, fire in her eyes. She felt sick to her stomach. She felt angry. She felt like she'd been torn right back into the million pieces she thought had already been glued back together.

"You're wrong," she said, her voice low and trembling. She bit her lip as Rui looked up at her in surprise, the clear display of emotion there as unexpected as always. Making her heart beat fast. How dare he still make her feel that way. Stupid puppy love. Stupid Rui.

Stupid Tsukasa.

"Tsukushi…"

"You're wrong!" she said again, louder, shaking her head at him. "You don't know anything, Rui Hanazawa!"

"I don't…Tsukushi, what's wrong? If you want to interrupt them that badly, then go. I won't stop you." And just like that, the indifference was back in place. Tsukushi wanted to wipe that indifference away. Wanted to rub his face in the truth about his friends and their perfect little world.

"You don't know anything," she said again, her voice clear, no longer shaking. "You don't know what could be happening. You don't want to know. You – all of you – want to pretend that Tsukasa is harmless, he's just a hurt little boy inside and that's why he acts the way he does, why he hurts people. Well what about those people? Does he ever apologize? Does he ever make it right? And what if he can't make it right? What if things can never be right again? Will you just turn away, every time? Will you just go on pretending and making jokes about it? Those are real people, Rui Hanazawa!" she shouted, tears of anger and regret filling her eyes. She took a deep breath and lifted her chin, staring at Rui, making sure he was looking straight back at her. "I'm a real person!" she hissed. Then she turned and ran to the door, shoving it open so hard it nearly came off its runner.

"Tsukushi…" Rui repeated, shocked. She paused and glanced over her shoulder at him, her brows drawn together fiercely.

"I'm going to make sure Shigeru is ok," she said. Then she was gone. Rui stared after her, completely stunned as he tried to process what she'd said. Had she finally lost it? Had she finally had enough of Tsukasa's mistreatment of her? No, had she finally had enough of everyone's mistreatment? Or was there something else going on?

Her eyes as she'd told him off haunted him and her words rang in his mind.

"_You're wrong!"_

"_You don't know anything. You don't want to know."_

Rui's eyes widened again and his breath caught in his throat. "Tsukushi…" he whispered. He covered his mouth as the full import of what she'd said weighed on him. So that was why. So that…was why…

"Tsukushi!" he called, jumping to his feet. "Makino, wait!" He swung out of the doorway and tore down the hall after her. It wasn't like him, he knew, but somehow it felt right – this insane, unpredictable action. Being ruled by his feelings, for once, by the blood racing through his veins, rather than standing still and accepting the world around him with resignation. Tsukushi was hurting and she was only going to be hurt more, if she walked in on that fight. He had to stop it.

He rounded a corner and skidded to a halt as he came face to face with the girl who had left him just a minute before.

"Tsukushi?" he questioned as he took in the blush in her cheeks, the tears in her eyes. Her shoulders were shaking again and his eyes followed the trembling line of her body all the way down to her feet. He stepped forward to catch her and hold her up just as her knees gave way.

"You were…right," she managed to say, her teeth starting to chatter from the shock of whatever it was she'd seen.

"Tsukushi…" His eyes softened and he wrapped an arm around her shoulders. "Let's go back," he said.

"Mmm," she responded, barely nodding her head. She walked forward a few feet with him before she came to herself and shoved him away.

"Tsukushi –"

"Don't," she said. "I…want to be alone."

I want to be alone with the truth of what I saw…with the truth of what's happened to me, her bowed shoulders and frightened expression shouted.

Rui lifted a hand, wondering if he could touch her anyway, if he could somehow make her see that he only wanted to be there for her the way she had been for him, time after time – even when he didn't want her. Especially those times he hadn't wanted her, because they'd been the times he'd needed her most.

"Tsukushi," he said quietly and she turned to look up at him. The words began to tumble from her mouth and she was unable to make them stop. She was sick of being silent and alone. She needed affirmation. She needed to know she wasn't crazy.

"Do you know what he did to me? He ruined me, Rui Hanazawa. He destroyed my entire family with his so-called affection and then he rescued me from the disaster he created. And I – oh my god, I'm so stupid – I fell for it! I fell in love with him and all because he made me believe he was the only one who could save me from that mess…made me believe I couldn't even save myself…" Her voice trailed off and she felt Rui touch her shoulder softly, then more firmly as he pulled her into the shelter of his arms.

"So that's why," he repeated and rested his head on hers. She shivered.

"No, that's not why," she said quietly and he pulled away suddenly and searched her eyes, more serious, more earnest than she'd ever seen him.

"Then…"

"Tsukasa…" But she couldn't make the words leave her lips and all she could feel was the terror of that afternoon, when he'd chased her down the halls of that damned school, so intent on…she shivered again and Rui drew her back into his arms.

"How could I have let myself love him?" she whispered. "That's not love. _That's not love_."

"It is to him," Rui said and she started to struggle, to pull away in anger, but he held her tight. "I'm not defending him," Rui said. "I'm just explaining. I'm sorry you had to experience that. I'm sorry he ever laid eyes on you." _I'm sorry I still call him my friend._

"Why does it hurt so much?" Tsukushi cried, finally turning to him fully, burying her face against his chest. Rui bent his head over her and was silent and it was all the answer she needed. He stood in the hall with her and let her cry for a long time until she finally couldn't anymore; and then he took her into their room and held her hand as she fell asleep; and he wondered how he could ever begin to make things up to her…or to himself.


End file.
